FLOROCKA & SOTO at the Awakening OAU (pt 2)

Perfectionism - The Dangerous Trap!

                                    

                                    Perfectionism - The Dangerous Trap!
Just when I have something figured out, along comes another how-to-article telling me how to be or do something better or even change my entire life. No matter where I turn, I am constantly reminded that I am not good enough in more ways than one. I am not smart enough, not rich enough, not slim enough, not efficient enough, not pretty enough, not powerful enough, not “with it” enough and probably “out of it” altogether.

That’s me and it gets worse. In line with our education economy, yesterday’s perfect diet is banned today and my car of the year was just recalled. My time-management is out of date and my writing achievements fade against the big authors. Yes, I am my own worst critic. Growing up with perfectionist parents didn't help either. It wasn’t until their seventies, that my father could tolerate fingerprints on his freshly washed car and that my mother learned to enjoy a meal without matching table decor.

Perfectionism is driving us up the wall or around the bend and neither direction is desirable. No wonder half of the population is on Prozac and the other half copes on some other crutch. We live under constant pressure to be perfect and expect nothing less from others. Intensely glued to information that helps us conform to some perfect ideal, we learn less about ourselves. Detached from the core of who we are, we show up with fabricated selves to gain approval.

There is quite a difference between aiming for a successful life or relationship and trying to achieve perfection. Contrary to popular belief, perfection is not required to succeed in love and life. In fact, the perfectionism-trap has serious negative consequences:

We feel our accomplishments are never good enough

We don’t achieve personal satisfaction

We value people based on their achievements

We believe doing our best doesn’t cut it

We take mistakes personally and hesitate to try again

We are afraid to show our flaws

We are vulnerable to rejection

We do what we should, not what we want

We set impossible to reach goals

We are hard on others and ourselves

We expect perfection of others

We develop a obsession with perfectionism

We feel we never measure up

We fear failure in relationships and have difficulties being intimate

We don’t pursue a relationship out of fear it might not be perfect

We become critical of our partners

To sum it up, we believe that unless we are perfect success and love will evade us. The biggest cost of perfectionism is our neglect of the humble core within and our failure to claim a life in alignment with our true self. Instead of focusing on our qualities and all that is right with us, we are busy fixing everything seemingly imperfect. Driven to live up to the perfect ideal we become pretentious, self-promoting, critical human beings. Because of our focus on achieving goals, we never enjoy the journey of getting there. As a result we lose the irreplaceable moments of relating to people and doing things.

Webster defines perfectionism as "a disposition, which regards anything short of perfect as unacceptable". The torment for perfectionists is that they never find anything perfect, simply because perfection does not exist. Instead they suffer from social and personal anxiety and strained relationships. To find peace, accept ourselves and nurture the best in us, we have to overcome perfectionism and:

·Use our mistakes as opportunities for growth

·Set goals in line with who we are and what we want

·Accept ourselves as human beings with flaws

·Give a little less than 100% and still experience success

·Enjoy the journey instead of just focusing on the goal

·Recognize that anxiety arises when we set unrealistic goals

·Understand that we get more done and feel better about ourselves if we don’t strive for perfection.

·Give up the irrational belief that relationships must be perfect ·Stop second guessing ourselves

·Be compassionate with ourselves and our partners

Thousands of people give less than 100% to a goal, but 100% to the journey and succeed. Everyday people don’t give all they've got, but still get done what they need to. If we try to give 100 % to everything we do, we never get enough done. Perfectionists operate on the assumption that unless they can give 100 % to a task, they won’t even start. As a result, they become occupied with trivial details and put off tasks until they can make a 100% effort. Perfectionists tend to be procrastinators with endless to-do lists and dreams put on hold until “some day.”

When it comes to relationships, perfectionists don’t do that well either. Single perfectionists keep on dating without making a choice, thinking someone more perfect will be around the corner. When they are in a relationship, the fear that it might not be perfect, keeps their relationships from progressing. Even when they finally settle with a partner, second-guessing their choice and being critical of their partner ensures frustrating relationships. Compromise in love as well as in life is difficult for them. Perfectionists pay a high price for the misguided belief that choosing the right love partner will guarantee a perfect relationship.

The entire perfectionist-trap becomes a vicious cycle in life and love. The more we attempt to be perfect in every area, the more anxious we get. This anxiety is coupled with a feeling of always falling short or behind. Consequently we concentrate on what is wrong with us or what we didn’t do. While doing our very best is admirable, more often than not, doing a good job is enough. The truth is that we are always half-cooked human beings in transition. Nobody will love us any more just because we are more perfect. We are being loved for the passion and spirit we bring to the table as genuine human beings.

This is not to say we should not strive for the best but that we strive in the reality of faith.

How to Turn Nothing Into Something

                                    How to Turn Nothing Into Something

                                 Have you ever wondered how to turn nothing into something?

First, in order to turn nothing into something, you've got to start with some ideas and imagination.
Now, it might be hard to call ideas and imagination nothing; but how tangible are those ideas? That is a bit of a mystery. I don't believe that ideas that can be turned into a hotel, ideas that can be turned into an enterprise, ideas that can be turned into a new vaccine or ideas that can be turned into some miracle product, should be called nothing. But tangibly, you have nothing.

Interesting! Think of it, ideas that become so powerful in your mind and in your consciousness that they seem real to you even before they become tangible. Imagination that is so strong, you can actually see it.
When I built my first home for my family in Idaho all those years ago, before I started construction, I would take my friends and associates out to the vacant property and give them a tour of the house. Is that possible? Is it possible to take someone on a tour through an imaginary house? And the answer is, "Yes, of course." "Here is the 3 car garage," I used to say, and my friends would look and say, "Yes, this garage will hold 3 cars." I could really make it "live". I would take them on a tour throughout the house… "Here is the fireplace, and look, this side is brick and the other side is stone." I could make it so real… "Follow me through the rest of the house. Take a look through the picture window here in the kitchen, isn't the view great?" One day, I made the house so real that one of my friends bumped his elbow on the fireplace. I mean, it was that real.
So, the first step of turning nothing into something is to imagine the possibilities. Imagine All of the possibilities. One of the reasons for seminars, sermons, lyrics from songs and testimonials of others is to give us an idea of the possibilities; to help us imagine and to see the potential.
Now here is the second step for turning nothing into something, you must Believe that what you imagine Is possible for you. Testimonials like, "If I can do it, you can do it." often become a support to our belief. And we start believing. First we imagine it's possible. Second, we start to believe that what's possible is possible for us.

We might also believe because of our own testimonial. Here is what your testimonial might say, "If I did it once, I can do it again. If it happened for me before, it could very well happen again." So we believe not only the testimonials of others who say, "If I can do it, you can do it. If I can change, you can change. If I can start with nothing, you can start with nothing. If I can turn it all around, you can turn it all around." Then we also have the support of our own testimonial, if we've accomplished something before. "If we did it once, we can do it again. If we did it last year, we can do it this year." So those two things together are very powerful. Now, we do not have actual substance yet, although it is very close.

Again, step one is to imagine the possibilities. Step two is to imagine that what is possible is possible for you. Here is what we call step two - faith to believe.

In fact, one writer said this, "Faith is substance." An interesting word, "substance", the powerful ability to believe in the possibilities that are possible for you. If you have faith to believe… that faith is substance, substance meaning "a piece of the real." Now it's not "the real", it's not this podium, but it is so powerful that it is very close to being real and so the writer said, "The faith is a piece of, the substance of". He then goes on to call it evidence, substance and evidence. It is difficult to call substance and evidence "nothing". It is nothing in the sense that it cannot be seen except with the inner eye. You can't get a hold of it because it isn't Yet tangible. But it is possible to turn nothing, especially ideas and imaginations, into something if you believe that it is now possible for you. That substance and evidence becomes so powerful that it can now be turned into reality.

So the first step is to imagine what is possible, the second is to have the faith to believe that what is possible is possible for you. And now the third step is to that you go to work to make it real. You go to work to make it a hotel. You go to work to make it an enterprise. You go to work and make it good health. You go to work and make it an association. You go to work and make it a good marriage. You go to work and make it a movement; you make it tangible. You make it viable. You breathe life into it and then you construct it. That is such a unique and powerful ability for all of us human beings. Put this to work and start the miracle process today!

Excerpted from the Jim Rohn Weekend Seminar-Excelling in the New Millennium)

Interesting works: CHANGE! INEVITABLE

Interesting works: CHANGE! INEVITABLE:                                                                         

 Can We Change People? There was a class of "ch...

CHANGE! INEVITABLE

                                                

                         Can We Change People?

There was a class of "challenged" children and many teachers were brought in over time but each one ended up quitting in frustration. Finally, a teacher was brought in and a miracle happened. That class of students ended up becoming a group of happy, well- behaved and good students. What happened?

From the time that teacher entered the classroom, she refused to see the children as they appeared to others. She saw through and beyond appearances. She instead saw in her mind's eye each student as a well-behaved, perfect student. She saw only their potential and perfection and they became exactly as she envisioned.

 

We Can Change Our Perception

 

Part of my teaching is that you cannot change people. What you can do is change your perception of them. When you envision them as you want them to be, in their happy and best state, they pick this up and respond on a subconscious level. In my own life, I have used this principle to great advantage. I would imagine someone being receptive and in my mind's eye see them harmonizing with me. I would imagine them being happy or pleased or whatever and "hear" them expressing what I would like to hear. Of course, we only want to envision the highest and the best for someone. We don't impose our will on someone else, but we can lift them in consciousness to their own highest good by maintaining that image in our thoughts and feelings. This releases the other person and allows adjustments to be made on a mental and spiritual level. Releasing is powerful. When we loose and let go, amazing things happen. There will either be a noticeable change in the person or that person will peacefully move out of our lives if they are not supposed to be there for our highest good.

Remember this principle? It is our job to see and feel the end result. It is the Universe's job to get us there.

 

You Might Be Surprised

 

I have had students apply this principle and see changes in their spouses, friends, and others. Don't laugh, but I have even used this on inanimate objects and it worked! The answers come when we loosen up.

Like it or not, we are greatly influenced and can become as others see us (and "feel" us). We do pick up their thoughts subconsciously. In the area of marketing, we must make the effort to project to others what we desire to project - as this determines the feedback and results we get - or else we will subconsciously respond to their ideas about us. This carries over into our personal lives. I have seen people who could not move forward because of the image of them held by those close to them. It took concerted effort to shift their consciousness beyond what others thought and finally succeed. And then there is the opposite. Many have succeeded because someone else believed in them and saw a greater potential than they saw for themselves.

Try It... You'll Like It

Wouldn't it be an interesting experiment to change our perceptions about a difficult person in our business life - a client, partner, co-worker, boss - or in our personal life - a spouse, partner, relative, child - and see what happens?

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain to put this principle into practice and see what happens. Instead of imaging things as they are, which I am sorry to say will only perpetuate more of the same, start imaging the person or situation as you want them to be.

Give thanks for the end result. Use the powerful gratitude principle combined with affirmative prayer to turn those very situations around by expressing gratitude for the solutions before they appear. Bringing the desired result into the "now" moment by using the gratitude principle speeds our desired good to us.

Interesting works: The Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets

Interesting works: The Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets:                             Harness the Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets There is a fact of life that has been settled long time ago,...

Interesting works: The Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets

Interesting works: The Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets:                             Harness the Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets There is a fact of life that has been settled long time ago,...

The Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets

                            Harness the Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets

There is a fact of life that has been settled long time ago, no challenges, no success. When you face a challenge and conquer it, then, you have succeeded and you are moving on. When you have a problem, sometimes you need a new skill or skill set to deal with it. That was an epiphany generated from listening to a speaker the other day. Everything seemed so clear in that moment. Yes, it made sense.

           Sometimes when you wrestle with problems, you might not see an immediate solution and you struggle to find one. After a while, you might give up completely, thinking that it is impossible to find a solution for that particular problem. At that moment, the idea that you might simply need could be new skills or knowledge to overcome the difficulty can be very empowering.
Making that mental connection allows you to escape being stuck and giving up, it focuses your mind on a solution. It doesn't allow you to think that there is no solution which can only lead to depression or feeling 'down'.

            But then you might think that you lack knowledge or skills in a certain area. Yet, you know that you could either find that knowledge or develop the skills to solve your problem.
Alternatively, you could hire someone to solve your problem. NO killing please, that is not a solution, but a doorway to greater problems. However, under normal circumstances, hiring someone with the right skills is perfectly acceptable. For example, you might higher a plumber if you have a problem with your shower or sink. You could take the time to learn the skills but you have to weigh the value of that learning curve against how much it would cost to actually hire someone with the skills already.

           Maybe you have decided that there is no one with the skill set you need available or that it is worth your time to develop a new skill. What are some sources of knowledge and places to develop these new skill sets? Libraries, books, online searches, bookstores, Internet, circles of influence, brainstorming, mastermind groups and even asking someone you don't know for their viewpoint can sometimes yield new ideas, leading to new results.

            The bottom line is that there are resources everywhere for you to tap into, you just have to open your eyes and allow yourself to become aware that this is the case. There is always a way to find new resources and you can keep tapping those resources for expertise until you find what you are looking for and you develop the new skill.

            There are also ways to reframe existing problems. Questioning the underlying thoughts that support your belief that you even have a problem in the first place can sometimes yield interesting results. Sometimes we get stuck in a mindset and asking ourselves questions to understand the legitimacy or redefine the reality of situation can be most useful.

Let your Skill sets and Mindsets be your hero, God has placed them there to serve you and break the hard shells.
        I wish you the best of experience in life.

Build Charisma and Charm Your Way to the Top

Charisma is a person's ability to influence other people in a rather positive way. It is accomplished by connecting with them physically, intellectually, and emotionally. Charisma is all about relationship and how people regard you.

Charisma can definitely be developed. Anyone can add more to his or her persona. And being charismatic has a lot of advantages. The most of common of which is the possibility of being chosen the leader of a group.

There are ways you can improve your charisma. Just always remember that charisma is not something you are born with; it is something you develop. Here are some ways you can work on improving it. 

1. Improve your physical health. Charisma has a lot to do with your image and how people see you. That is why your physical health and hygiene is very important. Always strive to look good, neat, and appealing. This will be your first real step in achieving your goal.

2. Carry yourself effectively. As you pass by, you should give off a certain air of confidence. Looking at the ground at all times is not going to help. Hold your head erect and look other people in the eye. Don't forget to smile as often as you can.

3. Improve the way you speak. Public speaking and the power of persuasion should come in full force. Oral communication skills matter a lot. Talk with assurance. Modulate your voice as necessary and express your views whenever appropriate.

4. Listen better. Speaking all the time is not good. As a future leader, you should also be good at listening to what other people have to say. Listening does not simply mean you stop talking and let somebody else do it. It means you pay attention so that you fully comprehend what the other person wants to impart.

5. Become an avid reader. A lot of charisma points are added to people who seem to know a lot. Stimulate the intellect of others. Start a good conversation and keep it going. You need not be an expert on a lot of things. Knowing a little bit about many subjects is good enough.

6. Teach others. Volunteer your proficiency. If there are things that you are really capable of, do not hesitate to take on the chance to share them with others. Knowledge shared is a lot more fulfilling than knowledge acquired. Keep this in mind at all times.

If you want to be successful, charisma is one of the traits you cannot do without. Charisma can definitely take you places. Improve on it as much as possible because the benefits are immeasurable.

It is all about your choice and your choice matters to us a lot. Thanks

Thanks to Abbas Abedi

Life at it"s Best: Develop Your Leadership Skills.

Interesting works: Develop Your Leadership Skills.: From Manager to Leader.           Ask anyone and they'll tell you. There's a difference between managers and leaders. Ask them wha...

Develop Your Leadership Skills.

From Manager to Leader

Ask anyone and they'll tell you. There's a difference between managers and leaders.

Ask them what that difference is and they may have a bit more difficulty. Suddenly the words become amorphous and undefined. Somehow leadership is an intangible - a charismatic component that some people have and others simply don't. That's why, according to the ubiquitous "they", it is such a rarity.

Wrong.

The difference between being a manager and being a leader is simple. Management is a career. Leadership is a calling.

You don't have to be tall, well-spoken and good looking to be a successful leader. You don't have to have that "special something" to fulfil the leadership role.

What you have to have is clearly defined convictions - and, more importantly, the courage of your convictions to see them manifest into reality. Only when you understand your role as guide and steward based on your own most deeply held truths can you move from manager to leader.

Whether the group you oversee is called employees, associates, co-workers, team-mates or anything else, what they are looking for is someone in whom they can place their trust. Someone they know is working for the greater good - for them and for the organization. They're looking for someone not only that they can - but that they want to - follow.

Because it is only when you have followers -people who have placed their trust in you - that you know you have moved into that leadership role. And the way you see it is that your organization is transcending all previous quality, productivity, innovation and revenue achievements. You're operating at such a high level of efficiency that you're giving budget back to the corporation - and you're still beating your goals.

You're achieving what you always dreamed could be achieved. And not only that, but it's actually easier than you thought.

Because you're a leader. Because the classic command and control management model - which, contrary to popular belief still applies even in our most progressive 21st century companies - is no longer in play. Sure, controls are in place. Sure, you're solving problems that arise.

But it's not just you alone. You have the people in whom you've put your trust - and who have happily and safely reciprocated - to help you create organizational success.

Next > The steps YOU can take to become a leader

First Steps

Where to start? Begin by discovering exactly what your convictions are. Clarify and codify for yourself what you believe in. Then, take a nice step back and see how those beliefs are playing out in the organization as it stands today.

Don't start with an organizational assessment based on the numbers or your opinions about others. This is not about "them." This is all about you.

Ask yourself:

·         What is important to me? What are my values, beliefs, ethics?

·         How am I demonstrating those values, beliefs and ethics every day?

·         Is the larger organization designed to support my values, beliefs and ethics?

·         Where are the disconnects ¡V within my immediate organization and for myself with the larger enterprise?

·         What can I do to change how I behave with my immediate organization to demonstrate my belief in them?

·         What additional assistance do my employees need to succeed ¡V and how can I ensure that they get everything they need and more to create personal and organizational success?

Realistically, you'll go through this process not once, but many, many times. This is a periodic reality and cross-check to see how you're doing in your own context and, as you begin making changes, in the larger context.

Because, while you can and should expect yourself and your immediate organization to make changes, you cannot - and should not - expect the larger organization to immediately respond or follow suit. This is a personal journey designed to assist you in being more - and helping those whose lives you touch to be more. Give the organization time. It'll get there. It's just a little bit slow.

What's Next?

As you identify your convictions and begin aligning your behaviors with those convictions, you are going to need to take steps to build a collaborative culture based on where you're going.

To do that, seek input from your employees about what they need and what their dreams are for their jobs and the larger organization. (They have them, you know). Talk to internal and external customers and suppliers about their needs. Find out what more and what else you can be and do to create success.

Enroll and engage in conversation and communication. Sit back. Listen. Take in as much as you can. Look for trends and themes. Find out where the possibilities are - the connects and disconnects that you can effect.

Be more. Be all those things you always believed about yourself - and usually bring to the rest of your life.

Leaders aren't made or born. Leadership is a choice - a belief in and commitment to everything that is good and noble within you.

Be a leader.



 Thanks to  Leslie L. Kossoff for some of the words.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

 3. Life is too short – enjoy it.

 4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

 5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 

 6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

 7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

 8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. 

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. 

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. 

 11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. 

 12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

 13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

 14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

 15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye,but don't worry, God never blinks. 

 16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

 17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

 18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

 19. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

 21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special 

occasion. Today is special.

 22. Over prepare, then go with the flow. 

 23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

 24. The most important sex organ is the brain. 

 25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

 26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

 27. Always choose life.

 28. Forgive 

 29. What other people think of you is none of your business. 

 30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. 

 31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 

 32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 

 33. Believe in miracles. 

 34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do. 

 35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now. 

 36. Growing old beats the alternative of dying young. 

 37. Your children get only one childhood. 

 38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. 

 39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. 

 40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back. 

 41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you need.

 42. The best is yet to come... 

 43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 

 44. Yield. 

 45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio