S PLUS

DATING; WHAT IT'S MEANT TO BE!

Dating is no longer, what it used to be. You also have to realize that your boyfriend or girlfriend had his or her own friends’ priority to meeting you. Dating is about learning and exploring the possibilities that exist in a relationship and figuring out if the relationship can move to the next level. You cannot expect your partner to abandon his/her lifestyle to fit in with yours.
Here are three things you should not do when dating:

Expect Your Partner to Give Up “Me” Time

Everyone deserves to have some “me” time where he or she relaxes and loosen up after working hard or taking care of business. Do not expect your partner will be around you 24/7. Your partner deserves to have some alone time where he or she can wind down without being disturbed. Every relationship should have time out where each partner can relax without choking the other partner up.

10 Common Leadership and Management Mistakes

Avoiding Universal Pitfalls

Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.– OSCAR WILDE

It's often said that mistakes provide great learning opportunities. However, it's much better not to make mistakes in the first place!

In this article, we're looking at 10 of the most common leadership and management errors, and highlighting what you can do to avoid them. If you can learn about these here, rather than through experience, you'll save yourself a lot of trouble!

1. Not Providing Feedback

Sarah is a talented sales representative, but she has a habit of answering the phone in an unprofessional manner. Her boss is aware of this, but he's waiting for her performance review to tell her where she's going wrong. Unfortunately, until she's been alerted to the problem, she'll continue putting off potential customers.

According to 1,400 executives polled by The Ken Blanchard Companies, failing to provide feedback is the most common mistake that leaders make. When you don't provide prompt feedback to your people, you're depriving them of the opportunity to improve their performance.

To avoid this mistake, learn how to provide regular feedback
to your team. (You can use our Bite-Sized Training session on Giving Feedback to gain an in-depth understanding of feedback, and to learn how to provide it effectively.)

2. Not Making Time for Your Team

When you're a manager or leader, it's easy to get so wrapped up in your own workload that you don't make yourself available to your team.

Yes, you have projects that you need to deliver. But your people must come first – without you being available when they need you, your people won't know what to do, and they won't have the support and guidance that they need to meet their objectives.

Avoid this mistake by blocking out time in your schedule
specifically for your people, and by learning how to listen actively
to your team. Develop your emotional intelligence
so that you can be more aware of your team and their needs, and have a regular time when "your door is always open", so that your people know when they can get your help. You can also use Management By Walking Around
, which is an effective way to stay in touch with your team.

Once you're in a leadership or management role, your team should always come first - this is, at heart, what good leadership is all about!

3. Being Too "Hands-Off"

One of your team has just completed an important project. The problem is that he misunderstood the project's specification, and you didn't stay in touch with him as he was working on it. Now, he's completed the project in the wrong way, and you're faced with explaining this to an angry client.

Many leaders want to avoid micromanagement
. But going to the opposite extreme (with a hand-offs management style) isn't a good idea either – you need to get the balance right.

4. Being Too Friendly

Most of us want to be seen as friendly and approachable to people in our team. After all, people are happier working for a manager that they get on with. However, you'll sometimes have to make tough decisions regarding people in your team, and some people will be tempted to take advantage of your relationship if you're too friendly with them.

This doesn't mean that you can't socialize with your people. But, you do need to get the balance right between being a friend and being the boss.

Learn how to do avoid this mistake with our article, Now You're the Boss

. Also, make sure that you set clear boundaries
, so that team members aren't tempted to take advantage of you.

5. Failing to Define Goals

When your people don't have clear goals, they muddle through their day. They can't be productive if they have no idea what they're working for, or what their work means. They also can't prioritize their workload effectively, meaning that projects and tasks get completed in the wrong order.

Avoid this mistake by learning how to set SMART goals

for your team. Use a Team Charter
to specify where your team is going, and detail the resources it can draw upon. Also, use principles from Management by Objectives
to align your team's goals to the mission of the organization.

6. Misunderstanding Motivation

Do you know what truly motivates your team? Here's a hint: chances are, it's not just money!

Many leaders make the mistake of assuming that their team is only working for monetary reward. However, it's unlikely that this will be the only thing that motivates them.

A NEW NIGERIA I SEE; THE REAL INDEPENDENCE

Nigeria is my country and I love her, am so grateful for all she has and all she will be. Happy Independence Everyone, there is only a nation called Nigeria because you and i exist, we are the Nigeria of today. I believe in a developed Nigeria, a Nigeria that is the envy of other nations, for a man at the age of 55, there is a lot of expectations. I believe that every citizen of this great nation deserves;

A Nigeria where police men have enough that they don't need to collect money.

A Nigeria with exceptional Health and Educational institutions.

Thoughts you and I have had and will keep having everyday of our lives. Purposeful!!! PART 2.......Passion.

Several people have tried several things in the name of finding satisfaction and fulfillment. Many have been able to only find Passion. I feel there are two paths we can take to discover our purpose. The first is passion. What are you passionate about? What do you really care about? What would you live for? What would you die for? We ask several other questions just to find our real passion and this includes;

1. What makes you smile? (Activities, people, events, hobbies, projects, etc.) 
2. What are your favorite things to do in the past? What about now? 
3. What activities make you lose track of time?
4. What makes you feel great about yourself? 
5. What are your deepest values? 
6. What are you naturally good at? (Skills, abilities, gifts etc.) What do people say you are good at?
   
7. What do people typically ask you for help in?
8. If you had to teach something, what would you teach? 
9. What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life? 
10. Who inspires you most? (Anyone you know or do not know. Family, friends, authors, artists, leaders, etc.) Which qualities inspire you, in each person? 
11. Given your talents, passions and values. How could you use these resources to serve, to help, to contribute? (to people, beings, causes, organization, environment, planet, etc.) 
12. What were some challenges, difficulties and hardships you’ve overcome or are in the process of overcoming? How did you do it? 
13. What causes do you strongly believe in? Connect with? 
14. If you could get a message across to a large group of people. Who would those people be? What would your message be? 
15. You are now 90 years old, sitting on a rocking chair outside your porch; you can feel the spring breeze gently brushing against your face. You are blissful and happy, and are pleased with the wonderful life you’ve been blessed with. Looking back at your life and all that you’ve achieved and acquired, all the relationships you’ve developed; what matters to you most? List them out.

         Answering these questions helps you know more about yourself but Passion is not 100 percent foolproof, but it will get you into what I call the location, the area, the neighborhood of what your purpose really is.

This is not the ultimate way since it is not 100 percent acurate and this comes from the fact that it is only from your efforts. There still abound a level of ignorance you will definately need to surmount.

  On the next part we will see the second and most profound way to discover Purpose and even a better way to know more about your passions.

Thoughts you and I have had and will keep having everyday of our lives. Purposeful!!!

On a cool afternoon some years ago at the office where observed my six month 400 level internship as an undergraduate, a friend and classmate we worked together said, "I don't think am going to end up in the ICT field". This was a bit surprising to hear a 400 level Computer Science Student say such. It didn’t take too long to figure out what prompted such a statement from my friend.
 I soon deducted from our conversation that certain thoughts had refused to leave my friend’s mind. He had been battling with these thoughts. And these disturbing thoughts were for the future. 
Thoughts you and I have had and will keep having everyday of our lives. Instantly I knew it was all about one question, the question of Purpose. There was an dis-settlement in his mind and this was caused by; 

1. The unclear path to fulfill his aspiration.

2. The fact that he didn’t even know what exactly the best path to follow to a fulfilling future was.

3. Fear of failing his desire to be wealthy and help people.

 I know you know about this feeling too; it is common to everyone with a common sense. My friend wanted to be one of the best in his field, influential and impactful. He never wanted a life of need, helplessness or poverty, but I know one thing for sure, the way to his desire is finding his purpose. 
 Now, the question is “Have you found your purpose?”.

What are you filling that vacuum in your heart with?

I think there are two paths we can take to discover our purpose.

 Follow me on the next part...

GREATER LIFE: Perfectionism - The Dangerous Trap!

GREATER LIFE: Perfectionism - The Dangerous Trap!:                                                                          Perfectionism - The Dangerous Trap! Just when I have some...

LIFE STREAM WORSHIP

                       LIFE STREAM WORSHIP

You can't afford to miss some opportunities in life, Life Stream Worship is one. An unadulterated atmosphere of worship.

Creating Opportunity From Oddness

Interesting works: Creating Opportunity From Oddness: An enterprising person is one who comes across a pile of scrap metal and sees the making of a wonderful sculpture. An enterprising person...

Creating Opportunity From Oddness

An enterprising person is one who comes across a pile of scrap metal and sees the making of a wonderful sculpture. An enterprising person is one who drives through an old decrepit part of town and sees a new housing development. An enterprising person is one who sees opportunity in all areas of life.

To be enterprising is to keep your eyes open and your mind active. It's to be skilled enough, confident enough, creative enough and disciplined enough to seize opportunities that present themselves...regardless of the economy.
A person with an enterprising attitude says, "Find out what you can before action is taken." Do your homework. Do the research. Be prepared. Be resourceful. Do all you can in preparation of what's to come.

Enterprising people always see the future in the present. Enterprising people always find a way to take advantage of a situation, not be burdened by it.

And enterprising people aren't lazy. They don't wait for opportunities to come to them, they go after the opportunities. Enterprise means always finding a way to keep yourself actively working toward your ambition.

Enterprise is two things. The first is creativity. You need creativity to see what's out there and to shape it to your advantage. You need creativity to look at the world a little differently. You need creativity to take a different approach, to be different.


What goes hand-in-hand with the creativity of enterprise is the second requirement: the courage to be creative.

You need courage to see things differently, courage to go against the crowd, courage to take a different approach, courage to stand alone if you have to, courage to choose activity over inactivity.

And lastly, being enterprising doesn't just relate to the ability to make a living. Being enterprising also means feeling good enough about yourself, having enough self worth to want to seek advantages and opportunities that will make a difference in your future. And by doing so you will increase your confidence, your courage, your creativity and your self-worth - your enterprising nature.

FLOROCKA & SOTO at the Awakening OAU (pt 2)

Perfectionism - The Dangerous Trap!

                                    

                                    Perfectionism - The Dangerous Trap!
Just when I have something figured out, along comes another how-to-article telling me how to be or do something better or even change my entire life. No matter where I turn, I am constantly reminded that I am not good enough in more ways than one. I am not smart enough, not rich enough, not slim enough, not efficient enough, not pretty enough, not powerful enough, not “with it” enough and probably “out of it” altogether.

That’s me and it gets worse. In line with our education economy, yesterday’s perfect diet is banned today and my car of the year was just recalled. My time-management is out of date and my writing achievements fade against the big authors. Yes, I am my own worst critic. Growing up with perfectionist parents didn't help either. It wasn’t until their seventies, that my father could tolerate fingerprints on his freshly washed car and that my mother learned to enjoy a meal without matching table decor.

Perfectionism is driving us up the wall or around the bend and neither direction is desirable. No wonder half of the population is on Prozac and the other half copes on some other crutch. We live under constant pressure to be perfect and expect nothing less from others. Intensely glued to information that helps us conform to some perfect ideal, we learn less about ourselves. Detached from the core of who we are, we show up with fabricated selves to gain approval.

There is quite a difference between aiming for a successful life or relationship and trying to achieve perfection. Contrary to popular belief, perfection is not required to succeed in love and life. In fact, the perfectionism-trap has serious negative consequences:

We feel our accomplishments are never good enough

We don’t achieve personal satisfaction

We value people based on their achievements

We believe doing our best doesn’t cut it

We take mistakes personally and hesitate to try again

We are afraid to show our flaws

We are vulnerable to rejection

We do what we should, not what we want

We set impossible to reach goals

We are hard on others and ourselves

We expect perfection of others

We develop a obsession with perfectionism

We feel we never measure up

We fear failure in relationships and have difficulties being intimate

We don’t pursue a relationship out of fear it might not be perfect

We become critical of our partners

To sum it up, we believe that unless we are perfect success and love will evade us. The biggest cost of perfectionism is our neglect of the humble core within and our failure to claim a life in alignment with our true self. Instead of focusing on our qualities and all that is right with us, we are busy fixing everything seemingly imperfect. Driven to live up to the perfect ideal we become pretentious, self-promoting, critical human beings. Because of our focus on achieving goals, we never enjoy the journey of getting there. As a result we lose the irreplaceable moments of relating to people and doing things.

Webster defines perfectionism as "a disposition, which regards anything short of perfect as unacceptable". The torment for perfectionists is that they never find anything perfect, simply because perfection does not exist. Instead they suffer from social and personal anxiety and strained relationships. To find peace, accept ourselves and nurture the best in us, we have to overcome perfectionism and:

·Use our mistakes as opportunities for growth

·Set goals in line with who we are and what we want

·Accept ourselves as human beings with flaws

·Give a little less than 100% and still experience success

·Enjoy the journey instead of just focusing on the goal

·Recognize that anxiety arises when we set unrealistic goals

·Understand that we get more done and feel better about ourselves if we don’t strive for perfection.

·Give up the irrational belief that relationships must be perfect ·Stop second guessing ourselves

·Be compassionate with ourselves and our partners

Thousands of people give less than 100% to a goal, but 100% to the journey and succeed. Everyday people don’t give all they've got, but still get done what they need to. If we try to give 100 % to everything we do, we never get enough done. Perfectionists operate on the assumption that unless they can give 100 % to a task, they won’t even start. As a result, they become occupied with trivial details and put off tasks until they can make a 100% effort. Perfectionists tend to be procrastinators with endless to-do lists and dreams put on hold until “some day.”

When it comes to relationships, perfectionists don’t do that well either. Single perfectionists keep on dating without making a choice, thinking someone more perfect will be around the corner. When they are in a relationship, the fear that it might not be perfect, keeps their relationships from progressing. Even when they finally settle with a partner, second-guessing their choice and being critical of their partner ensures frustrating relationships. Compromise in love as well as in life is difficult for them. Perfectionists pay a high price for the misguided belief that choosing the right love partner will guarantee a perfect relationship.

The entire perfectionist-trap becomes a vicious cycle in life and love. The more we attempt to be perfect in every area, the more anxious we get. This anxiety is coupled with a feeling of always falling short or behind. Consequently we concentrate on what is wrong with us or what we didn’t do. While doing our very best is admirable, more often than not, doing a good job is enough. The truth is that we are always half-cooked human beings in transition. Nobody will love us any more just because we are more perfect. We are being loved for the passion and spirit we bring to the table as genuine human beings.

This is not to say we should not strive for the best but that we strive in the reality of faith.

How to Turn Nothing Into Something

                                    How to Turn Nothing Into Something

                                 Have you ever wondered how to turn nothing into something?

First, in order to turn nothing into something, you've got to start with some ideas and imagination.
Now, it might be hard to call ideas and imagination nothing; but how tangible are those ideas? That is a bit of a mystery. I don't believe that ideas that can be turned into a hotel, ideas that can be turned into an enterprise, ideas that can be turned into a new vaccine or ideas that can be turned into some miracle product, should be called nothing. But tangibly, you have nothing.

Interesting! Think of it, ideas that become so powerful in your mind and in your consciousness that they seem real to you even before they become tangible. Imagination that is so strong, you can actually see it.
When I built my first home for my family in Idaho all those years ago, before I started construction, I would take my friends and associates out to the vacant property and give them a tour of the house. Is that possible? Is it possible to take someone on a tour through an imaginary house? And the answer is, "Yes, of course." "Here is the 3 car garage," I used to say, and my friends would look and say, "Yes, this garage will hold 3 cars." I could really make it "live". I would take them on a tour throughout the house… "Here is the fireplace, and look, this side is brick and the other side is stone." I could make it so real… "Follow me through the rest of the house. Take a look through the picture window here in the kitchen, isn't the view great?" One day, I made the house so real that one of my friends bumped his elbow on the fireplace. I mean, it was that real.
So, the first step of turning nothing into something is to imagine the possibilities. Imagine All of the possibilities. One of the reasons for seminars, sermons, lyrics from songs and testimonials of others is to give us an idea of the possibilities; to help us imagine and to see the potential.
Now here is the second step for turning nothing into something, you must Believe that what you imagine Is possible for you. Testimonials like, "If I can do it, you can do it." often become a support to our belief. And we start believing. First we imagine it's possible. Second, we start to believe that what's possible is possible for us.

We might also believe because of our own testimonial. Here is what your testimonial might say, "If I did it once, I can do it again. If it happened for me before, it could very well happen again." So we believe not only the testimonials of others who say, "If I can do it, you can do it. If I can change, you can change. If I can start with nothing, you can start with nothing. If I can turn it all around, you can turn it all around." Then we also have the support of our own testimonial, if we've accomplished something before. "If we did it once, we can do it again. If we did it last year, we can do it this year." So those two things together are very powerful. Now, we do not have actual substance yet, although it is very close.

Again, step one is to imagine the possibilities. Step two is to imagine that what is possible is possible for you. Here is what we call step two - faith to believe.

In fact, one writer said this, "Faith is substance." An interesting word, "substance", the powerful ability to believe in the possibilities that are possible for you. If you have faith to believe… that faith is substance, substance meaning "a piece of the real." Now it's not "the real", it's not this podium, but it is so powerful that it is very close to being real and so the writer said, "The faith is a piece of, the substance of". He then goes on to call it evidence, substance and evidence. It is difficult to call substance and evidence "nothing". It is nothing in the sense that it cannot be seen except with the inner eye. You can't get a hold of it because it isn't Yet tangible. But it is possible to turn nothing, especially ideas and imaginations, into something if you believe that it is now possible for you. That substance and evidence becomes so powerful that it can now be turned into reality.

So the first step is to imagine what is possible, the second is to have the faith to believe that what is possible is possible for you. And now the third step is to that you go to work to make it real. You go to work to make it a hotel. You go to work to make it an enterprise. You go to work and make it good health. You go to work and make it an association. You go to work and make it a good marriage. You go to work and make it a movement; you make it tangible. You make it viable. You breathe life into it and then you construct it. That is such a unique and powerful ability for all of us human beings. Put this to work and start the miracle process today!

Excerpted from the Jim Rohn Weekend Seminar-Excelling in the New Millennium)

Interesting works: CHANGE! INEVITABLE

Interesting works: CHANGE! INEVITABLE:                                                                         

 Can We Change People? There was a class of "ch...

CHANGE! INEVITABLE

                                                

                         Can We Change People?

There was a class of "challenged" children and many teachers were brought in over time but each one ended up quitting in frustration. Finally, a teacher was brought in and a miracle happened. That class of students ended up becoming a group of happy, well- behaved and good students. What happened?

From the time that teacher entered the classroom, she refused to see the children as they appeared to others. She saw through and beyond appearances. She instead saw in her mind's eye each student as a well-behaved, perfect student. She saw only their potential and perfection and they became exactly as she envisioned.

 

We Can Change Our Perception

 

Part of my teaching is that you cannot change people. What you can do is change your perception of them. When you envision them as you want them to be, in their happy and best state, they pick this up and respond on a subconscious level. In my own life, I have used this principle to great advantage. I would imagine someone being receptive and in my mind's eye see them harmonizing with me. I would imagine them being happy or pleased or whatever and "hear" them expressing what I would like to hear. Of course, we only want to envision the highest and the best for someone. We don't impose our will on someone else, but we can lift them in consciousness to their own highest good by maintaining that image in our thoughts and feelings. This releases the other person and allows adjustments to be made on a mental and spiritual level. Releasing is powerful. When we loose and let go, amazing things happen. There will either be a noticeable change in the person or that person will peacefully move out of our lives if they are not supposed to be there for our highest good.

Remember this principle? It is our job to see and feel the end result. It is the Universe's job to get us there.

 

You Might Be Surprised

 

I have had students apply this principle and see changes in their spouses, friends, and others. Don't laugh, but I have even used this on inanimate objects and it worked! The answers come when we loosen up.

Like it or not, we are greatly influenced and can become as others see us (and "feel" us). We do pick up their thoughts subconsciously. In the area of marketing, we must make the effort to project to others what we desire to project - as this determines the feedback and results we get - or else we will subconsciously respond to their ideas about us. This carries over into our personal lives. I have seen people who could not move forward because of the image of them held by those close to them. It took concerted effort to shift their consciousness beyond what others thought and finally succeed. And then there is the opposite. Many have succeeded because someone else believed in them and saw a greater potential than they saw for themselves.

Try It... You'll Like It

Wouldn't it be an interesting experiment to change our perceptions about a difficult person in our business life - a client, partner, co-worker, boss - or in our personal life - a spouse, partner, relative, child - and see what happens?

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain to put this principle into practice and see what happens. Instead of imaging things as they are, which I am sorry to say will only perpetuate more of the same, start imaging the person or situation as you want them to be.

Give thanks for the end result. Use the powerful gratitude principle combined with affirmative prayer to turn those very situations around by expressing gratitude for the solutions before they appear. Bringing the desired result into the "now" moment by using the gratitude principle speeds our desired good to us.

Interesting works: The Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets

Interesting works: The Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets:                             Harness the Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets There is a fact of life that has been settled long time ago,...

Interesting works: The Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets

Interesting works: The Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets:                             Harness the Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets There is a fact of life that has been settled long time ago,...

The Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets

                            Harness the Power of Skill Sets and Mindsets

There is a fact of life that has been settled long time ago, no challenges, no success. When you face a challenge and conquer it, then, you have succeeded and you are moving on. When you have a problem, sometimes you need a new skill or skill set to deal with it. That was an epiphany generated from listening to a speaker the other day. Everything seemed so clear in that moment. Yes, it made sense.

           Sometimes when you wrestle with problems, you might not see an immediate solution and you struggle to find one. After a while, you might give up completely, thinking that it is impossible to find a solution for that particular problem. At that moment, the idea that you might simply need could be new skills or knowledge to overcome the difficulty can be very empowering.
Making that mental connection allows you to escape being stuck and giving up, it focuses your mind on a solution. It doesn't allow you to think that there is no solution which can only lead to depression or feeling 'down'.

            But then you might think that you lack knowledge or skills in a certain area. Yet, you know that you could either find that knowledge or develop the skills to solve your problem.
Alternatively, you could hire someone to solve your problem. NO killing please, that is not a solution, but a doorway to greater problems. However, under normal circumstances, hiring someone with the right skills is perfectly acceptable. For example, you might higher a plumber if you have a problem with your shower or sink. You could take the time to learn the skills but you have to weigh the value of that learning curve against how much it would cost to actually hire someone with the skills already.

           Maybe you have decided that there is no one with the skill set you need available or that it is worth your time to develop a new skill. What are some sources of knowledge and places to develop these new skill sets? Libraries, books, online searches, bookstores, Internet, circles of influence, brainstorming, mastermind groups and even asking someone you don't know for their viewpoint can sometimes yield new ideas, leading to new results.

            The bottom line is that there are resources everywhere for you to tap into, you just have to open your eyes and allow yourself to become aware that this is the case. There is always a way to find new resources and you can keep tapping those resources for expertise until you find what you are looking for and you develop the new skill.

            There are also ways to reframe existing problems. Questioning the underlying thoughts that support your belief that you even have a problem in the first place can sometimes yield interesting results. Sometimes we get stuck in a mindset and asking ourselves questions to understand the legitimacy or redefine the reality of situation can be most useful.

Let your Skill sets and Mindsets be your hero, God has placed them there to serve you and break the hard shells.
        I wish you the best of experience in life.